Nokkrar stolnar pælingar...
"I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize."
"Half the people you know are below average."
"42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot."
"I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met."
"How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?"
"Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now."
"If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?"
"What happens if you get scared half to death twice?"
"I was driving on the highway and saw a sign that said `Next Rest Stop 25 Miles,' and I thought to myself `Wow that's big.'"
"saw a woman wearing a full-length fur coat. I asked her what animal it was and she said racoon. I said, my god, he must have been huge."
"I wish the first word I ever said was 'quote' so right before I died I could say 'unquote"
"I have a collection of seashells scattered all over the beaches of the world. Perhaps you've seen it."
"Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery"
"There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot."
"When I was a kid I had a QUICKsand box. I was an only child.....eventually."
"I went to the store the other day. The sign in the window read 'OPEN 24 HRS', but as I approached I found an employee locking the door. I thought you were open 24 hrs, I asked. Yeah, he replied, but not in a row."
"In Europe is Miles Davis known as Kilometer Davis?"
"I was driving down the road and I saw this hitchiker holding a sign that said "Heaven"...so I hit him. I pretty sure he went there, he looked nice"
"What's another word for thesaurus?"
"I was in the mall the other day and the power went out ... 30 people got stuck on the escalator"
"When I was younger my Grandmother gave me $5 one day and she said - Don't tell your Mother I'm giving you that - and I said, it's gonna cost you more than that"
"The other day my brain was itchy, and the only way to scratch it, was to think about sandpaper."
"I bought some batteries, but they weren't included, so I had to buy them again."
"I bought some used paint, it came in the shape of a house."
"The other day I put some instant coffe in the microwave and then drank it... almost went back in time."
"i've been getting into astronomy, so I Installed a skylight. The people who live above me are furious."
"No matter the temperature of the room, it's always 'room temperature'"
"I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all of his friends went to the funeral in one car."
"When it rains, I run around and post WET PAINT signs on everything"
"Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while, I was a suspect."
"I watched schindlers list backwards so there was a happy ending."
"I took a lie detector test...no I didn't."
"I went to a museum where all the artwork was done by children. They had them hanging on refrigerators."
"The other day I got thrown out of a movie theatre for bringing my own food in. My argument was "the concession stand prices are outrageous! Besides, I haven't had a barbecue in a long time.""
"Half the people you know are below average."
"42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot."
"I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met."
"How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?"
"Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now."
"If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?"
"What happens if you get scared half to death twice?"
"I was driving on the highway and saw a sign that said `Next Rest Stop 25 Miles,' and I thought to myself `Wow that's big.'"
"saw a woman wearing a full-length fur coat. I asked her what animal it was and she said racoon. I said, my god, he must have been huge."
"I wish the first word I ever said was 'quote' so right before I died I could say 'unquote"
"I have a collection of seashells scattered all over the beaches of the world. Perhaps you've seen it."
"Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery"
"There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot."
"When I was a kid I had a QUICKsand box. I was an only child.....eventually."
"I went to the store the other day. The sign in the window read 'OPEN 24 HRS', but as I approached I found an employee locking the door. I thought you were open 24 hrs, I asked. Yeah, he replied, but not in a row."
"In Europe is Miles Davis known as Kilometer Davis?"
"I was driving down the road and I saw this hitchiker holding a sign that said "Heaven"...so I hit him. I pretty sure he went there, he looked nice"
"What's another word for thesaurus?"
"I was in the mall the other day and the power went out ... 30 people got stuck on the escalator"
"When I was younger my Grandmother gave me $5 one day and she said - Don't tell your Mother I'm giving you that - and I said, it's gonna cost you more than that"
"The other day my brain was itchy, and the only way to scratch it, was to think about sandpaper."
"I bought some batteries, but they weren't included, so I had to buy them again."
"I bought some used paint, it came in the shape of a house."
"The other day I put some instant coffe in the microwave and then drank it... almost went back in time."
"i've been getting into astronomy, so I Installed a skylight. The people who live above me are furious."
"No matter the temperature of the room, it's always 'room temperature'"
"I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all of his friends went to the funeral in one car."
"When it rains, I run around and post WET PAINT signs on everything"
"Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while, I was a suspect."
"I watched schindlers list backwards so there was a happy ending."
"I took a lie detector test...no I didn't."
"I went to a museum where all the artwork was done by children. They had them hanging on refrigerators."
"The other day I got thrown out of a movie theatre for bringing my own food in. My argument was "the concession stand prices are outrageous! Besides, I haven't had a barbecue in a long time.""
Ummæli